


The Old Man

by vivvav



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Gen, Natsumi Sakamoto, Shizuka Sakamoto, The AFR Universe, Yoshio Sakamoto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 17:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15152336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivvav/pseuds/vivvav
Summary: Ryuji finds his father after 27 years.





	The Old Man

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Discussion of abuse. No displays, but talk of it.
> 
> Also, if you like my stories, please read the end notes of this fic in full. Got a big announcement about my stuff down there.

“And then we fold this part up…”

“Uh-huh.”

“And then we fold this back, but it doesn’t stay folded.”

“Right…”

“And then… uh…” Natsumi looked up from the mostly-finished origami piece on the kitchen table. The five-year-old was having trouble remembering the last step. “Uh…”

“Come on.” Ryuji patted his daughter’s head. “I’m sure you can remember it. This is the kinda important stuff we send you to kindergarten to learn, after all.”

“Oh! I remember!” Natsumi tucked the bottom half of the paper square into the rest of the construct, holding the finished product out proudly. “And that’s how you make a samurai helmet!”

“Cool.” Ryuji bent down to get a close look. Some of the folds were a little uneven, but Natsumi’s finished work seemed pretty on-point for a five-year-old. “That turned out real good, Natsumi.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re pretty good at origami.” Ryuji leaned back in his chair. “Must get that from your mom. I was never any good at it as a kid.” Ryuji sighed. “Come to think of it, I ain’t that good at it now either.”

Natsumi stared at her father curiously for a moment, then stood up in her chair.

“Whoa, hey!” Ryuji sat back up and grabbed Natsumi’s shoulders. “Careful! You don’t wanna fall!”

“Hold still” Natsumi said.

“Why?”

Natsumi didn’t answer. She held out the paper samurai helm and tried to balance it on top of Ryuji’s head.

“What’re you doin’?” Ryuji asked.

“You can’t make your own samurai hat, so I’m lettin’ ya have this one!”

“Are you sure about that?” Ryuji tried to keep his head still so the paper accessory wouldn’t fall off. “You worked pretty hard on this.”

“I can make another whenever I want.” Natsumi let go and sat back down. “Now you’re a samurai, Daddy!”

“Don’t tell Mom that. If she hears that, she’s gonna get all excited.” Ryuji got the kind of grin on his face a five-year-old couldn’t possibly begin to understand the meaning of. “That’s an old dream of hers.”

“Should I make Mommy one too?”

“Yeah, she’d like that.” Ryuji turned his head as he heard the familiar sound of the front door slamming and Yoshio’s hurried footsteps. The tiny paper hat fell off his head as he moved, but he caught it in his hand and pocketed it. “But you should prolly use a really big piece of paper so it’ll actually fit on her head.”

“‘Kay!” Natsumi hopped out of her chair and ran out of the room. “I’m gonna go find some!”

“DAD!” Yoshio dashed into the room, throwing his backpack behind him with abandon. “THERE YOU ARE!”

“I sure am” Ryuji’s eyes followed Natsumi as she disappeared around the doorframe then returned to Yoshio. “What’s up?”

“IT’S SUMMER BREAK!”

“It sure is.” Ryuji rested one elbow on the table, propping up his head in his hand. “You’ve got plans, right? I don’t want you sittin’ around here and buggin’ your Grandma all month.”

“That doesn’t matter right now!” Yoshio pointed at Ryuji dramatically. “You remember your promise, right!?”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t forget.” Ryuji gave Yoshio a thumbs up. “I told you once summer break started I’d take you to the new Cake Knight movie. I’ve got tomorrow off so I was thinkin’-“

“Now!” Yoshio was bouncing on his heels. “Let’s go see it now!”

“What, right this second?”

“Yeah!” Yoshio grabbed Ryuji’s wrist and tried pulling him out of the chair. “There’s a show time at Shibuya in forty minutes! If we hurry we can get in line for popcorn and still see the previews!”

“Hold up!” Ryuji wrenched his arm out of his son’s grasp. “We can’t just take off right now! Mom and Grandma are doin’ some spa thing, and there’s no way I’m leavin’ Natsumi home alone.”

“Then she can come with us!”

“No way.” Ryuji crossed his arms. “We’re not takin’ her to an action movie. You remember what happened when she got her hands on one of Makoto’s yakuza movies, right?”

Yoshio grumbled. He did remember. Natsumi tried to imitate every act of violence she’d seen, weaponizing every object she could get her hands on. Yoshio’s first baseball trophy would’ve been broken if his mom had been just a few seconds later to put Natsumi in time out. Ryuji was right, but that didn’t mean Yoshio was happy about it. He was really excited for this movie.

“Well what time are Mom ’n’ Grandma gettin’ home?”

“I dunno.” Ryuji shrugged. “Dinner time, I guess.”

“Then can we go after dinner!?”

“That’s kinda late, ain’t it?”

“So what? It’s not like I got school tomorrow.”

“Huh. I guess not.” Ryuji nodded. “Alright. But we ain’t gettin’ any soda. Don’t want you twitchy all night.”

“ALRIGHT!”

* * *

“So then… She tries puttin’ it on my head… I musta looked real goofy.”

Ryuji was recalling Natsumi’s excursion into the art of origami as he and Yusuke carried a large throne-like chair up the stairs to Yusuke’s new studio.

“I dunno where origami stands in the art world, but I think she’s got a real talent for- HEY!”

The throne suddenly got a lot heavier, and it took every muscle in Ryuji’s body to hold it up and prevent himself from falling down the stairs. Once things were stable he looked around and saw Yusuke had let go of it, framing Ryuji with his fingers.

“WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOIN’, MAN!?”

“Capturing fatherly pride.” Yusuke had a slight smile on his face. “Don’t mind me, continue your story.”

“I can’t focus on that if I’m holdin’ this dumb chair!”

“Oh. Of course.” Yusuke grabbed the throne and lifted, easing Ryuji’s burden. The two finished carrying it into the studio, and Ryuji sat down in it, wiping his brow.

“Man, this thing’s comfortable.”

“Try not to sweat too much in it” Yusuke said. “I have a young lady modeling in it tomorrow and I’d like for it to be clean.”

“I nearly got crushed by the damn thing just now, I’ll sweat in it all I want.” Ryuji looked around the studio. It was considerably bigger than Yusuke’s last space, although the actual increase in usable space wasn’t significant thanks to the massive lobster tank taking up an entire wall. “Whaddya need a new workspace for anyway? Far as I can tell the only real difference is those lobsters.”

“Those lobsters are precisely why I need a new workspace!” Yusuke turned to face the lobsters, and although Ryuji couldn’t see his face, the artist’s body language made Ryuji sure that Yusuke had a massive smile on his face. “With this new workspace, I will never go without a muse! My art will soar to new heights as never before!”

“So you bought a new space and went through a move just to look at some lobsters?”

“Indeed.” Yusuke turned back to Ryuji, a displeased look on his face. “It took me quite some time to find a contractor who could install a lobster tank in my studio. He was a very unpleasant fellow. He was often yelling.”

“Maybe he was allergic to shellfish.”

“Somehow I doubt it.” Yusuke shook his head. “All in all, he got the job done, and his services weren’t too expensive, but he was completely lacking in courtesy.”

“Sounds like you got what you paid for, then.”

“I suppose.” Yusuke took off his monocle and started wiping it with his sleeve. “But I don’t imagine I’ll be recommending the services of Saburo Ueno to any of my colleagues.”

An odd silence fell upon the room. When Yusuke put his monocle back on, he was surprised by the shift in Ryuji’s mood. Where before his blond friend had been exhausted but relaxed, now he was tense and livid. His teeth were gritted, his entire body was shaking, there was a rage in his eyes Yusuke had never seen before (and Yusuke thought he was intimately familiar with all of his friends at their angriest), and his hands were grasping the arms of the throne so tightly his knuckles began to turn white.

“Ryuji?” Yusuke started to feel nervous, as if he was in a room with an angry gorilla. “Is something wrong?”

* * *

It was late at night and the kids had gone to bed. Hifumi’s voice could be heard from another room as she gave a phone interview about her upcoming book. Ryuji filtered it out, not because he didn’t care, but because of the item in his hand.

The business card Yusuke still had. The one Ryuji had asked for.

The business card for Saburo Ueno, the contractor. Including a phone number and the address of an office right there in Tokyo.

The business card of Ryuji’s father.

Ryuji just stared at the card, darting back and forth between the name, the phone number, and the address. A quick search on his phone had revealed that this was indeed the Saburo Ueno who had made Ryuji’s life miserable and not just somebody with the same name. The same Saburo Ueno who walked out of Ryuji’s life almost thirty years ago. The same Saburo Ueno who was so terrible that once he was out of their lives, Ryuji’s mother filed the necessary paperwork to change her son’s name to her maiden name so they could leave everything about him behind. The same Saburo Ueno who Ryuji had long ago decided he wanted nothing to do with and never wanted to see again.

And yet, here he was, staring at the man’s business card. Now having the means to contact him. And it gave Ryuji a strange feeling. Not the usual hatred or sadness that came to mind whenever he thought about his father. But a weird sense of longing.

“What’s that?”

Ryuji nearly jumped out of his skin. He hadn’t realized that Hifumi had ended her phone call or that she was now standing over him.

“Nothin’” Ryuji said. “Just a business card.”

“For what?”

“A contractor.”

“What do you need a contractor for?” Hifumi rested her hands on top of Ryuji’s head, tapping his scalp playfully. “Are you planning some addition to the house that you forgot to tell me about?”

“No.” Ryuji held the card up over his shoulder. “Take a look.”

“Let’s see…” Hifumi bent over and looked at the card. “‘Saburo Ueno’… Why does that sound famil-“

“WHAT DID YOU SAY!?”

A chill ran up Ryuji and Hifumi’s spines. They turned around and saw Ryuji’s mother standing at the top of the stairs in a night gown.

“Mom!?” Ryuji rose from the couch. “I thought you went to bed!”

“I couldn’t sleep. I just had this feeling that there was something very wrong.” Shizuka’s eyes narrowed. “Clearly I was right.”

“Nothin’s wrong, Mom.” Ryuji hid the card behind his back. “Go back to bed.”

“Don’t you lie to me, Ryuji Sakamoto!” Shizuka stormed down the stairs. “You know nothing good ever follows that name! Now what are you hiding from me!?”

Ryuji wasn’t sure what to do. For as much as he hated his dad, it didn’t begin to compare to his mother’s contempt for the man. He looked to Hifumi for some kind of answer, but Hifumi just stared blankly back at him. Ryuji sighed and held up the card.

“I found him” Ryuji said.

“You were looking for him!?”

“Of course not!” Ryuji shook his head fervently. “Yusuke happened to come across him. I guess between me and Futaba he’s just really good at findin’ shitty dads.”

“So what?” Shizuka snatched the card out of Ryuji’s hand. “You’re going to call him now?”

“I don’t know” Ryuji said. “Maybe? I mean, I know he’s probably the same worthless bastard he always was, but it’s been 27 years. I just feel like maybe I oughta talk to him or somethin’.”

“You haven’t seen him since you were 9! What do you think you’re going to get out of this!?”

“I don’t know!” Ryuji swiped the card back. “What’s it matter to you? It’s not like I’m askin’ you to come along!”

“Seeing him is only going to upset you!” Shizuka made a grab for the card but Ryuji held it out of her reach. “You have friends and a beautiful wife and two wonderful children! You have a good life, and you’re not going to make yourself happier trying to bring that man back into it! Just throw that damn thing out and forget about this!”

“I’m not tryin’ to bring him back! I just feel like I should-“

“Should what!? Give yourself a reason to feel bad!? Dredge up the past!?” Shizuka’s eyes widened as a terrible thought crossed her mind. “Is this about Yoshio and Natsumi!? You don’t want him to meet his grandchildren, do you!?”

“What!? No, I-“

“IF YOU THINK I’M GOING TO LET THOSE PRECIOUS ANGELS ANYWHERE NEAR THAT MONSTER, YOU-“

“HEY! KEEP IT DOWN!”

Ryuji and Shizuka looked up at the top of the stairs to see Yoshio and Natsumi looking down at them in their pajamas. Yoshio glared at both of them as he kept one hand on Natsumi’s shoulder. Natsumi, for her part, was uncharacteristically worried. She had never seen her dad and grandma in a serious argument before, and didn’t know how to process it.

“WE’RE TRYIN’ TO SLEEP UP HERE!” Yoshio yelled.

“Sorry, bud.” Ryuji looked at his kids sheepishly. “Natsumi, you need someone to tuck you in again?”

Natsumi nodded.

“Alright, Grandma’ll be up to help you in a second.”

“You’re volunteering me?” Shizuka asked.

“You’re the one who started yellin’” Ryuji said.

“Fine. But this isn’t over.” Shizuka marched up the stairs and picked up Natsumi. “Come on kids, it’s past your bedtime.”

“Granma,” Natsumi asked, “are you and Daddy gonna kill each other?”

“No, dear.” Shizuka’s voice lowered as she disappeared down the hall. “There’s somebody else I’d like to kill first.”

Ryuji dropped down onto the couch and groaned. Hifumi sat down next to him.

“Are you alright?” Hifumi asked.

“No.”

“Sorry I wasn’t much help there.” Hifumi leaned against Ryuji’s side. “I’m just not sure I have any right to speak on matters involving your father.”

“Yeah, well, you got a good dad. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“No, I don’t.” Hifumi sighed. “Are you really going to call him?”

“Not exactly…” Ryuji looked at the card again. “I was thinkin’ I’d go to his office and see him in person. This doesn’t seem like the kinda thing you do over the phone.”

“I see.” Hifumi let out an uneasy hum.

“What?” Ryuji looked down at Hifumi. “You don’t think I should?”

“Well…” Hifumi fiddled with the string in her hair. “It’s not that I have an opinion on whether your should or shouldn’t, I just don’t understand why you would want to.”

“Me neither” Ryuji said. “I know Mom’s right. At best it’s probably gonna suck.”

“Then why do it?”

“I dunno.” Ryuji shrugged. “It ain’t like I’ve felt like somethin’ was missin’ in my life. And it’s not like I ever wanted to find him. He took off without tellin’ us where he was goin’ and that was kinda it. But now that I know where he is…” Ryuji looked at the card yet again. “I just feel like I gotta do this. I dunno what the point is. Maybe I just wanna let him know that my life was better without him.”

“Well, I don’t know if that’s a very good reason, but like I said, I don’t think this is any of my business.”

“Quit sayin’ that.” Ryuji put his arm around Hifumi. “We’re married. Everything I do’s your business.”

“In that case, I don’t think you should do it.” Hifumi frowned. “I think you’ll be much happier if you just let go.”

“Yeah.” Ryuji stuffed the card into his pocket. “But I can’t.”

* * *

Mentally, Ryuji wasn’t ready. As he stood outside of his father’s office, he still had no idea what he was going to say. This fact had not registered with his body, which seemed to be on autopilot as he opened the door and crossed through the threshold.

The first thing Ryuji saw was a young American girl, probably not even twenty yet, sitting at a reception desk.

“Welcome to Ueno Contractor” the girl said slowly. Apparently she didn’t have the best command of the Japanese language. “You have appointment?”

“No” Ryuji said. “Is Saburo Ueno in right now?”

“He in, but won’t see nobody without appointment.”

“He’s that busy, huh?”

“No.” The American girl shook her head. “He free. But no see without appointment. Ueno-San likes his free time.”

“Look, could you just tell him that-“

“Hey, Susan!”

Lumbering footsteps came from the hallway past the reception desk. The man who emerged was instantly recognizable to Ryuji. Saburo Ueno’s hair had gone grey, his face wrinkled, and thanks to Ryuji’s own growth he no longer seemed as physically imposing, but the man was undoubtedly his father. He didn’t seem much neater than Ryuji remembered either. His face was covered in a few days’ worth of stubble, his clothes were all wrinkled, and even the clipboard he was holding seemed to have all the papers askew instead of lined up with the clamp.

“I was goin’ over the numbers for the Hashimoto job and it looks like I’m missin’ a page. Did you-“ Saburo looked up from the clipboard and saw Ryuji. “Who’s this? I don’t think I have an appointment now, right?”

“No, Ueno-San” Susan said. “He no have appointment.”

“Sorry, pal” Saburo said. “I don’t take walk-ins. If you wanna make an appointment Susan here can…” Saburo drifted off as he stared at Ryuji’s face. “Have we met somewhere?”

“Yeah” Ryuji said. “I’m Ryuji.”

Saburo stared blankly.

“Sakamoto” Ryuji added.

“Oh.” A dull spark of recognition appeared in Saburo’s eyes. “You ain’t here for a contractor, are you?”

Ryuji shook his head.

“Alright.” Saburo dropped his clipboard on the reception desk. “Susan, hold my calls.”

Saburo turned around and headed down the hall, gesturing for Ryuji to follow him. He led Ryuji into a small, unimpressive office where he sat down behind a desk in an ordinary office chair. Saburo reached into a drawer of his desk and pulled out some whiskey and two glasses.

“Want a drink?” he asked as he began pouring.

“No.”

“Alright then. Take a seat.” Saburo tilted his head towards some folding chairs in the corner of the room.

“I think I’ll stand” Ryuji said in a low voice.

“Suit yourself.” Saburo leaned back and put his feet up on his desk, taking a sip of whiskey. “So, whaddya want, money?”

“I don’t need any cash from you.” Ryuji scowled. “Though I figure you DO owe Mom a few million yen in child support, not that she’d accept it at this point.”

“Well, that’s a lucky break for me, I guess.” Saburo smirked. “How is Shizuka anyway?”

“What do you care?”

“I don’t.” Saburo shrugged. “I’m just makin’ small talk. But it sounds like you don’t wanna do the small talk thing. So again, whaddya want?”

“I…” Ryuji’s shoulders slumped. “I dunno.”

“The fuck does that mean?” Saburo raised his eyebrow. “You don’t know why you’re here? How does that work?”

“I just found out where you were and figured I oughta talk to you after 27 years.” Ryuji crossed his arms. “I thought you’d left Tokyo.”

“I did. For a while.” Saburo tilted his head back as he rifled through his memories. “Went to Fukushima. Got a job in construction. Worked my way up to supervisor. Decided to go into business for myself. Came back here… I dunno, 13 years ago? Just seemed like a good business move.”

“You’ve been back in Tokyo for 13 years!?” Ryuji’s pulse started racing. “And you never thought to tell Mom or me!?”

“Why would I?”

“Because we’re your family?”

Saburo stared at Ryuji blankly as he sipped away at his drink.

“Did you ever think of us at all?”

“Not really.” Saburo downed the last few drops of whiskey and went to pour himself another glass. “Once or twice, I guess. Like one of the guys at the construction site would talk about his own kid and I’d kinda remember I had a son out there somewhere. Or I’d see a pretty gal walkin’ down the street who reminded me of your mom when we first met. But I never, y’know, FELT anything about it.”

“So what, we just didn’t mean anything to you?”

“Pretty much.” Saburo yawned. “Look, the family thing just wasn’t for me. I tried to do the husband and father bit for a while, but I wasn’t any good at it.”

“No shit” Ryuji said. “Don’t get me wrong, old man. It ain’t like I missed you. Mom neither. Things only got better after you left.”

“Well there you go.” Saburo raised his glass, toasting to nothing in particular. “Everyone’s a winner.”

“There’s no effin’ winners in this story!” Ryuji slammed his fist on the desk. “You smacked us around for years and then just disappeared! Do you know what that kinda thing does to people!?”

“So, what?” Saburo lowered his feet from the desk, staring at Ryuji’s fist. “You come here to kick my ass? Get revenge on your old man now that you’re all grown up and can fight back?”

“No, I ain’t.” Ryuji took a deep breath and stood up straight, looking down at his father contemptuously. “I’d love to. I dreamed of it for years. Even right now the idea of smashin’ that bottle over your head is pretty hard to resist. But it’s not like it’d fix anything. ’S’all more trouble’n it’s worth.”

“You’re right.” Saburo put his feet up again. “But if you ain’t here for revenge, the only other thing I can think of is that you want some kind of apology.”

“An apology from you would be worthless. There’s no way in Hell you’d mean it.”

“Alright, good.” Saburo took another sip of his drink. “At least we understand each other.”

“I don’t understand you at all.” Ryuji shook his head. “Y’know, I’ve got a family of my own now. A wife and two kids. And I’ve never hit ‘em, and I’ve never even THOUGHT of hittin’ ‘em, and I’d never leave ‘em like you did.”

“Good for them.”

“Yeah, it is.” Ryuji clenched his fists. “I love them so much. Everything I do is for them. I’m always thinkin’ about ‘em. Even when one of ‘em annoys me or pisses me off, I still love them.” A smile formed on Ryuji’s face. “They make life worth livin’. They give me worth as a man ‘cuz every time one of ‘em smiles at me, I know I’m responsible for that somehow. I make them happy and they make me happy and it’s the greatest feelin’ in the world. And I wanna feel that all the time.” Ryuji’s smile faded and his voice started to quiver. “I can’t even begin to imagine not feelin’ that love for them. It’s the most natural thing in the world for me. But I think of how you treated us when you were around, and then how you were gone, and the only thing I can think of that starts to explain it is that you didn’t feel that at all.”

“You ain’t wrong.”

“HOW!?” Ryuji started getting red-faced. “HOW COULD YOU HAVE A FAMILY AND NOT LOVE THEM!? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!?”

“Only thing wrong with me was that I tried to have a family.” Saburo made a sour face. “I met a pretty girl and we had some fun together and I was thinkin’ with my dick, so when she said she wanted more I fuckin’ went and married her. And then it stopped bein’ fun, and then there was a kid and I tried to do the ‘proper’ thing, but it wasn’t makin’ me happy. So I decided ‘fuck it’ and left it behind.”

“So that’s it?” Ryuji stared at Saburo in disbelief. “‘Fuck it’?”

“Yeah.” Saburo nodded. “‘Fuck it.’”

“Yeah…” Ryuji took another deep breath. “Ok.”

Ryuji turned around and left without another word.

* * *

Ryuji wandered around the city for a while after that. First he went to the old fishing pond he and Ren used to go to and just watched other people fishing from an overlook, trying to find some peace in the quiet. Then he wound up at the batting cages at Yongen-Jaya to burn off some steam, though once he actually started swinging he found that there wasn’t actually anything to burn off. Finally, he got back home as the sun started going down with a bag in each hand, one from the nearby butcher shop and one from the convenience store.

“Hey, I’m ho-“

“THERE YOU ARE!”

Shizuka stormed over to the door angrily. Behind her, Hifumi, Yoshio, and Natsumi were all sitting on the couch watching Featherman, though Shizuka’s sudden outburst had drawn their attention.

“You went to see HIM, didn’t you!?” Shizuka yelled. “I don’t know what you think pulling that man back into our lives will accomplish, but-“

“It’s ok, Mom.” Ryuji wrapped his arms around his mother, pulling her into a tight hug. “Nothin’s gonna change. It’s just the five of us, same as always.”

“That’s… good.” Shizuka let out a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry, Ryuji. I couldn’t bear the thought of having to deal with-”

“I know. And I’m sorry too.” Ryuji let go of his mother. “You were right. Seein’ him didn’t make me any happier. And none of us are ever gonna see him again.”

“Well, so long as-“ Ryuji could almost hear the gears spinning in Shizuka’s head. “Wait, when you say that, do you mean you-“

“No, Mom.” Ryuji rolled his eyes. “I didn’t kill him.”

“Shame.” Shizuka deflated, but only for a moment. “Well, I’ll get dinner started.”

“Take it easy, Mom.” Ryuji held up the bags. “I’m makin’ dinner tonight. Picked up steak and ice cream.”

“ICE CREAM!” Natsumi bolted over to Ryuji, trying to grab the convenience store bag. “GIMME!”

“Oh no you don’t!” Ryuji held the bag out of Natsumi’s reach. “Dessert comes AFTER dinner, remember?”

“BUT I WANT IT NOW!”

“Natsumi, get back here!” Yoshio yelled. “You’re gonna miss Feather Green’s special move!”

Natsumi looked back and forth between the TV and the bag in Ryuji’s hand rapidly, trying to come to a decision. After looking around five times, she ran back to the couch. Ryuji gave Yoshio a thumbs up as he headed into the kitchen, which Yoshio returned.

Ryuji stuck the ice cream in the freezer. When he turned around, he saw Hifumi standing in the kitchen doorway.

“So did you find what you were looking for?” she asked.

“Nope.”

“Oh.” Hifumi lingered in the doorway. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Ryuji grabbed Hifumi and kissed her. “I didn’t find jack ‘cuz it turns out I wasn’t lookin’ for anything.”

“Are you sure about that?” Hifumi stared into Ryuji’s eyes, trying to divine his true feelings. “You seemed like you needed to meet him.”

“Well, I didn’t. Talkin’ to him didn’t teach me nothin’ I didn’t already know.” Ryuji started rifling through cabinets for the skillet. “I already knew he was a bastard that I didn’t need in my life, and that there was nothin’ I could learn from him.”

“So why did you go?”

“I think I got caught up in ‘what if’.” Ryuji placed the skillet on the stove and turned on the burner. “Like, ‘what if he was sorry’, ’what if he’d been around’, ‘what if he’d been a good dad’, that kinda thing. And it’s all shit I stopped thinkin’ about forever ago, but then when I got the idea that could get answers straight from him, I guess I couldn’t get ‘em out of my mind.”

“So you got those answers?”

“Nah.” Ryuji shook his head. “Like I said, I didn’t learn any junk I didn’t already know. I had those answers all along. He ain’t sorry. He wasn’t around. And it don’t matter if he coulda been a good dad ‘cuz he wasn’t. And thinkin’ about ‘what if’ don’t change none of that.”

“That must be frustrating.”

“Not really.” Ryuji took the steaks out of the bag and started looking for his seasonings in the spice rack. “In the end, it’s just not worth bein’ pissed off about. He decided we didn’t matter to him a long time ago, so I decided the same about him. I just forgot for a minute is all.”

“But now that you’ve seen him you’ve remembered?”

“Yup.” Ryuji grinned at Hifumi. “Now I can put it all behind me again and focus on now. I’m a man with a family to take care of, and that’s what I’m gonna do.”

“With steak and ice cream.” Hifumi chuckled.

“Damn straight!” Ryuji pointed back to the living room. “Now get outta here and go watch TV with Mom and the kids! I got some providin’ to do!”

**Author's Note:**

> A lot to unpack here.
> 
> First, I want to say that I am in no way a victim of abuse and do not have experience with it. I do have friends who have experience with it, and what I wrote in this story is by no means meant to be a reflection of their or anybody else's situation. I cannot say whether Ryuji's feelings and reactions in this story were "right". This is not meant to be a suggestion to anybody who has gone through abuse, I just wrote what I thought would be interesting for the story.
> 
> Secondly, this both is and isn't a Ryuji's birthday fic. I wrote it a while back, and originally thought it'd be neat to have it up on Father's Day as a callback to "Sakamoto Mother's Day", but that didn't happen. It got delayed because something else was being prepared:
> 
> A lot of folks have commented on how much they like the art by Hureno that gets featured in these stories from time to time. Well, I really like it too. And she's basically become my collaborator on a lot of this stuff, at least as far as helping me develop ideas if not in the writing of the fics themselves (and even then from time to time stuff she comes up with and bits of dialogue find their way in here). What nobody knows is that there are a lot of goofy little sketches and mini-comics Hureno's made featuring the characters in these stories, both the original P5 crew and the OCs like their kids, and so we've decided to make a blog to showcase them and also act as a central hub for these stories and more information about them.
> 
> And so, now, the official AFR Universe Tumblr is live! Go subscribe to https://afruniverse.tumblr.com to see new artwork pertaining to the fics and other bonus content! Right now for the launch we've got an intro post showing Ren's parents, a family portrait of the Sakamotos, and a cute icon featuring Ren and Makoto's daughters, Ryoko and Hanami.
> 
> Oh, and for you Timeline Patrol kids, this takes place two years after "Little Blonde Terror", maybe a little before "As You Wish, Takamaki-San".


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